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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973414">Philophobia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/13579/pseuds/13579'>13579</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(literally 2 catbois grooming each other), Abusive Relationships, Angst, Body Shaming, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Getting Together, Grooming, M/M, Mating Bites, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:29:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/13579/pseuds/13579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Philophobia is the fear of emotional attachment; fear of being in, or falling in love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ruggie Bucchi/Leona Kingscholar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Was this where it all began? Or did his story start after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Four years ago, when he was at the young age of 13, everything came tumbling down in a massive heap of pain and self loathing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Four years ago, he made the mistake of wandering out at night. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Four years ago, he was grabbed by the arm and dragged away, only to be held there for the next two and a half years of his life. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Four years ago, his whole definition of love changed....</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>To him, love became when Kumosaki yell at him so loud that his ears start to ring. </p><p>
  <em>"You useless, boy!" He growled through the small hut, causing the child to scuffle back further until the chain on his neck rattled. Big eyes, quickly becoming glossed over looked at him through long lashes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I-I'm sorry!" He curled into himself more, bracing for the smack that rang out like a hit to a drum. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't apologize," He grabs his little face, squeezing until it hurt. "Be better and that'll make up for ultimately keeping a thing like you." </em>
</p><p>Love was when Kumosaki forcefully drag him away in public to strike him across the face when he tried to put up any sort of resistance. </p><p>
  <em>"I want to go home!" He tried to tug his arm away, feeling the dozens of eyes on him, none belonging to someone willing to step in. "Let me go!"  Suddenly, he was. The harsh grip around his wrist released and he fell back onto the dry dirt floor. This was his chance. He could get up and run until he reached somewhere safe. He could see his family again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well? Aren't you going to leave?" He growled, eyes gleaming with malice, tail flicking dangerously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He needed to get up to run, but once he stands up, he's going to be beat back onto the floor. So he curls up his fists weakly, shaking his head 'no'. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's what I thought." The hand reinforces itself back onto his wrist, dragging him home as silent tears streamed down his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another chance gone.</em>
</p><p>Love was when Kumosaki sneered at the body which he deemed as his now, no longer belonging to him. </p><p>
  <em>Fair skin now shades of red, blue, and purple stretched out upon expanses of bone. Bruises that were never wanted littered his chest, cheeks, and hips only for a snarl to be heard above him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ugly. How unsightly you are." </em>
</p><p>Love was when Kumosaki tied his limbs up and deemed him as his own toy to have his way with. </p><p>
  <em>He never asked before throwing him over his shoulder, carrying him over to the bed and tossing him on. Sharp nails shred away the thin clothing on his body, causing him to instinctually try and hide himself from the piercing red of the fox's eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ropes wound around his wrists, securing them to the bed post. This was when the child began to panic, tears welling up in his eyes as he thrashes around, pleading for mercy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No! Please, no! I'll be good so just don't! Please! It always hurts!"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words lost their meanings as fast as they came out, not even registering in the man's head. Tugging his own clothes off, he watched with amusement as the child shook with fear, clenching his eyes shut. Grabbing his jaw, he grumbled in his ear lowly, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just shut up and this'll be more enjoyable for both of us." </em>
</p><p>Love was when Kumosaki seized him by his throat, watching as he trembled and whimpered in terror, staring down at him with the same sadistic grin. </p><p>
  <em>Loosening the restraints just a bit, he flipped the younger onto his stomach, yanking his hips up into the air. Whimpers and whines sounded out from beneath as he started to claw at the sheets, head turned just a bit but enough to see the man behind him. Sharp fangs glistened even in the low lighting of the room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're too skinny. It's a turn off." The red head then pushed inside of him, beads of blood instantly dripping down his thighs. A loud scream forced itself out of his throat, crying without any end. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This part always hurts. Quit being a child."  As much as he wanted to retort with 'but I am a child.', he held his tongue as hips started moving, dragging itself through his unprepared inners. </em>
</p><p>Love was when Kumosaki grabbed him by his hair, shoving his face roughly into a pillow when he ask him to slow down through tears of agony. </p><p>
  <em>"It hurts! Please, slow down! Just slow down! You don't need to stop but please just slow down!"  His wrists were probably raw from tugging against the ropes and he could feel his blood drip from between his thighs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can't you shut up!?" Grabbing his hair, he yanked his head up from the tear stained mattress. Sliding a pillow over, he slams his head back down, muffling sounds of the assault. "If it hurts, it's your fault! Just stop tightening up so much!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So he tried. He really tried but it didn't help. Blood still dripped and coated his cock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tried to stop screaming and crying, but that didn't stop either. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So he just stopped trying.</em>
</p><p>Love was when Kumosaki set a mating bond on him without permission. </p><p>
  <em>When Kumosaki finally came, it was dizzying. The room was spinning so much that Ruggie had a hard time knowing up from down. All he knew was that they were now connected by a knot. A wicked smile spreads across the foxes face, brushing away the strands of hair from his nape. Leaning down, he breathes against him, tongue darting out to lick a strip along the hair line. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't mind if I do." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before He could open his mouth and say 'no', it was done. A searing pain enveloped his neck before his whole body became heated. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was bonded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unless someone overwrites the bond then he's forever owned by this person. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But who in their right mind would want something that's already taken. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Who would want something that's worthless and broken.</em>
</p><p>That's why when Ruggie told people he was afraid of love, he never understood why others never felt the same. He didn't understand why they wanted to be mistreated and hurt the way he was. He didn't understand why the burning in his hips and everything below was wanted. He didn't understand that what he knew wasn't love. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It all begins somewhere</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry this is a short chapter &gt;.&lt;</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he first met him, his heart skipped a beat, blood rushing to his face. He has never felt like this towards anyone before, so he pulled his bandanna higher up to cover his pinkish cheeks. He first laid eyes on him when his dorm leader was just handing him his new uniform, saying how it might be oversized on him since it once belonged to the latter. Emerald green eyes that seemed to glow behind lazily blinking eyelids met his before he directs his eyes down, mentally scolding himself, 'Don't stare, you idiot! What if he notices?! He's going to punish you. Oh god you're going to be punished!" You're going to hit again and it's all your fault!'  </p><p>His pale hand reached out to take the clothing from him. He could see the different skin tones between them in that split second where their hands were hovering so close together.</p><p>Ruggie didn't mind wearing hand-me-downs in the slightest, but it was his next words that caused his heart to flutter in his chest. Raising his brow, he points to his bandanna, "Do you want a new one?" He yawns before setting out towards the uniforms laid out for the other students. "The cut in the shirt probably hangs a bit too low anyways. It would show off your chest..." He grumbled. </p><p>Walking back with a yellow and black piece of cloth in hand, he swiftly unties the hyena's. Before he could panic, the new one was fastened one, hiding his nape once again. "There. It feels okay? Not too baggy?" He asks, receiving a shake of the head, 'no'. </p><p>It was then when he said his first words to the man. "Thank you."</p><p>"I'll leave you to change now. Tell me when you're done." He gives a lazy wave, turning towards the door. </p><p>Without another thought, the blond calls out to him. "Wait!" </p><p>He turns to face him. </p><p>He could feel the regret welling up in his throat, anxiety bubbling within his chest. Coming out as a mumble was, "What's your name..." </p><p>A hum came from his throat as he chuckled lowly. "That's all you wanted to ask?" </p><p>"I-I'm sor-" Clenching his eyes close, he curled in on himself a bit.</p><p>Ruggie's eyes snap open when a hand is gently plopped onto his head, right between his beast ears. "It's Leona. Leona Kingscholar."</p><p>Leaving swiftly after, everything in the blonde told him to chase after the brunette. Everything inside of him told him that this warmth is what he's been searching for all his life. Flopping down on his bed, he stared up into the ceiling, images getting blurrier and blurrier before it became clear again. This continued until he touched his cheek, feeling the residue wetness from his tears. Shooting up into a sitting position, he hastily wipes the tears away with his sleeve. Once he deemed his face decently dried, he pulls his shirt off along with the bandanna and kicks his pants to some corner of the room. </p><p>He knew he shouldn't have. He knew that he would constantly make him do this. But it was a habit, bordering the lines of addiction. He had to do it even if it tore him apart each time, feeling as if he ripped his own heart out and let it be stabbed by knives of self hatred and doubt. Pushing himself off the bed, Ruggie wanders over to the full body mirror, clasping his hands over his mouth once he saw his own reflection. Scars and permanent bruises were on his thighs and chest, his ribs were protruding to the point that it looked painful to look at, each breath sucking his stomach in. </p><p>Silent sobs wracked his body as he slowly crawled away from the mirror, hands aimlessly grabbing for his uniform until he finally felt the soft cloth. Covering his body as quickly and efficient as possible. But when he tried tying the bandanna to the back of his neck, he touched it. He touched <b>it</b>. He felt the raised bumps of the bite mark on his nape and it sent straight shivers down his spine. </p><p>It should've been normal of him to feel it, but it wasn't. He drops everything in his hands and started trembling uncontrollably, breaths coming out in ragged waves until - everything stopped spinning. He picked up a scent. A scent so unfamiliar but so comforting. Turning behind him, he saw a black outer uniform coat, clearly meant to go with his school uniform and not his dorm uniform. Crawling onto the bed, he takes it into his hands and slowly drapes it around himself. </p><p>Oh god. He felt so warm. So... safe. </p><p>He couldn't exactly pinpoint how to describe or process the smell, but it smelt like the Savannas. It smelt like the open prairies of home. It warm and gentle and it felt as if it could make him feel the most protected than any other moment in his life. </p><p>"Are you done changing? Can I come in now?" Leona's voice came after two knocks. </p><p>Remembering that he was supposed to inform the other when he was done getting dressed, a wave of guilt runs over him. '<em>I just wasted his time..'</em> He thinks to himself as he responds with a "Come in".</p><p>Once he steps into his room again, the lion's eyes instant fell onto Ruggie. "You can have it." He blurts. </p><p>"What?" Grey-blue eyes look up to meet his figure, not daring to look at him in the eyes. </p><p>Gesturing to the coat around his shoulders, he says "That's my jacket. You can have it though." </p><p>Blushing, he pushes it off his shoulders hastily and blubbered an apology, offering to give it back. In the midst of his panic, Leona picks up the bandanna and reaches behind him to fasten it once more. </p><p>"It's part of your dorm uniform, don't get sloppy now." </p><p>He falls silent, pulling it up to hid his cheeks, muttering "Thank you..." but stopped himself from ending it there. Instead he said back, "Is there anything you want me to do for you?"</p><p>"Like a favour?" </p><p>He nods.</p><p>"Can you do chores?" </p><p>Another nod. </p><p>"Do you know how to braid hair?" </p><p>He pauses for a second, remembering him taking care of the other slum children, braiding and cutting their hair. "I think so? I may not be good at it though." </p><p>"Then that's all I need. Just clean my room, do my laundry, carry my books, braid my hair, bring me my lunch, clean the kitchen and lobby, and bring me the dorm leader forms for me to fill out."</p><p>Without any hesitation, he agrees. In that moment, he vowed to himself that he'll do whatever it takes to help this man. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Trembling fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Whenever he was with Leona, time almost felt as if it stood still. It was as if spending his time in remote closeness to the man freed him from everything else, even if the only reason he was with the brunette was because he was doing some kind of chore that made the latter's life easier. So just like that, a year passed. Going from class to class, taking care of Leona, looking after dorm mates, and working shifts at Mostro Lounge. </p><p>He had no reason to believe that their second year together would be any different. And for the most part, he was right. There was one thing though. One thing that made him cower and shrink back just like when he was younger, getting yanked around on that god forsaken chain. </p><p>Leona was scaring him. </p><p>He was roaring at people through pure anger.</p><p>Ruggie was scared. </p><p>But Leona wouldn't hurt him, right? </p><p>Right? </p><p>Ri-right...?</p><p>It all happened so fast that he didn't know if it was a dream or not. The air became a level of dryness that it was suffocating him, a crackling laughter enveloping him as the wind flew around them at the rate that his arms got little cuts from the debris of little stones and sand getting whipped at him. Next thing he knew, a hand reached out and grabbed his forearm, digging its claw-like nails into his arm. A searing pain ran through him, a vision of a raised whip being brought down on his thin arms, but all so different at the same time. His skin was cracking and dissolving into sand, crumbling under the man's grip.</p><p><em>"So pathetic. Truly pitiful." </em>The words echoed through his mind even after the event, cutting deeper and deeper each time. </p><p>Suddenly, the pain was gone. Hastily pushing himself up, he saw a large white wolf pining their dorm leader to the floor. He wanted to shout out for it to stop snapping at the lion, but the words died on his tongue, being panickily dragged up and away. Catching the black in the otherwise white wolf's coat he called out to him, "Jack!". With a harsh shove, the first year jumped back, stopping right beside his senior. Growling protectively, his fangs were bared fiercely, claws digging into the floor as he sauntered his way in front of the blonde. </p><p>It was then when Ruggie snapped out of it. Putting his hand on Jack's shoulder, he pushes himself up, wobbling slightly before steadying himself against the wall. He wasn't going to <strong>ever </strong>let anyone call him pitiful or weak again. Never in his entire life, did he think he fought harder than he did that day. Each step, each raise of his hand, each glance at Leona brought pain directly into his soul. </p><p>The smile he put on at the end of all the chaos shot confusion to his very core. The reason to his smile became unknown even to him. He was happy to be alive - yes-, no one got hurt too bad - that can also be a cause-, Leona was still with him - for sure-, but he couldn't pinpoint why he was smiling...</p><p>From that day onward, nothing was quite the same. </p><p>Bits and pieces of it resembled the past, but just like his arm, there were scars that never faded, leaving a permanent imprint on their relationship. He no longer spent extra time hanging around the older, instead doing the bare minimum and leaving wordlessly. In place of waking Leona up by grabbing onto him and shaking him to oblivion, Ruggie now takes a stray pillow and proceeds to beat him over the head with it or pours cold water on him.</p><p>Whenever an item is handed from one to another, the younger always receives or gives it by holding onto the very edge of said bag or book or object. Every slightly guttural or feral noise that erupted from Leona's throat sent him into an internalized panic, heart beating erratically, breath hitching as he waited for some sort of punishment to be bestowed upon him. He would only calm down a little when he realized the sound was no more than a snore or irritated grunt from noticing Rook trying to shoot him down. </p><p>Ruggie wanted to believe that the man in front of him was different than the last one he fell into the arms of. He was scared though. He couldn't shake the thought of his dorm leader snapping at him, the hand gripping his arm with such force that he could feel himself breaking apart even without magic. Something in the back of his mind itched, something that was telling him that this man shouldn't be trusted.</p><p>Something was radiating from his nape, telling him to go back to the slums.</p><p>Telling him to go back to that run down hut and fall into that man's arms again. </p><p>The blonde's eyes snap open in realization, harshly slapping his hand over his scar to stop the train of thought. "He's sending weird signals over again... God damnit." He mutters to himself, reality slowly creeping back in. </p><p>He was sitting in his room, half finished homework laid out in front of him. Lowering his pen, he massages his eyelids, relishing in the strange purple afterimages. Even after removing his hand from his face, his eyelids felt heavy. "A nap won't hurt... Today was so fucking tiring..." Throwing his forearm over his eyes, a huff of air escapes passed his lips. </p><p> </p><p><em>"What. Did. I. <strong>Fucking</strong>. Say." The quiet sniffles sounded out in the background. He was already trying his best</em> <em>. Grabbing his chin he roughly turned his head to face him, the young boy not putting up a resistance. </em></p><p>
  <em>"Y-y-you said-" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"IF YOU'RE GOING TO RESPOND THEN STOP FUCKING STUTTERING SO MUCH!" His hand wrapped around the chain on the collar, throwing him to the floor with one hard yank. Pushing himself up, thin bruised arms shook with effort. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You said to not run away when I'm not leashed..." With his eyes casted onto the ground, he couldn't see if the man was coming closer. Instinctually folding his ears closer to his head, he bit his lip, trying to contain any terrified noises from squeaking out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He certainly heard him shuffle closer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And what did you do?" His calloused hands ghosted along his injured ankle, making tears gather in the hyena's eyes before much pressure could even be applied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fighting off every single urge to pull his foot away, he just answered "I tried to run away." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Let me tell you something because I'm the only one willing to be honest with you." Kumosaki snaps his fingers, attracting his grey-blue eyes to look up at him. "Anyone who says that they are putting up with you beyond just wanting to fuck you are completely full of shit." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears well up in his eyes as he tries to deny it. "That's all you're good for." A wrecked sob tears its way through his throat. "Too bad you aren't female. At least they can nurse my pups." Kicking him onto the floor, the fox narrows his eyes and presses his foot right on his abdomen. "You're just a sex toy." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Denial pushed itself up, but reality set in more. "I know." He said between sobs. "I know, I know, I know..." Weakly wrapping his hand around the ankle above his stomach, he looks into blood red eyes. "So please, just don't leave me all alone." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words slipped by so easily. It was his survival tactic now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If he wasn't wanted then he'd be discarded and with the way he is now, he wouldn't be able to make it far. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words he spoke nauseated him to no end but the shame and self hate he felt from saying them equaled out with his will to live. From the moment he realized it, he made a promise to himself that he would do anything to survive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whether it be physically fight or sell out his body, he would do it all to live. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He found peace in the violence and he was in need of a savior, but he didn't want to owe anyone a favour. His whole life, he felt like a burden, he knows it all too much and he hates it. He tried to love this man, he tried but loving him never gave him safety. Loving him never gave him a home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn't worth the stars.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn't worth the sea. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn't worth the moon or the shores. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn't even sure if he was worthy of death. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>To him, he must've not be, because no matter how many times he prayed for death, it never came. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything pain would blossom against his skin, he would be waiting for someone to come and take him home. Silence rang out in his head, it made it feel like his mind was a foreign land. He was afraid of himself, afraid of all that he is. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But more than he was afraid of himself, he was afraid of <strong>him.</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Strong hands slammed onto his chest, pining him down as the rutting became crazier. He didn't want to look. He didn't <strong>need</strong> to look. Ruggie knew he was bleeding. There wasn't a single time when they did it and he wouldn't bleed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Words and pleads got stuck in his throat, unwanted moans taking their place. There was no way that this would be enjoyable to him. Whatever was making it easier to slip in  and out of him wasn't a lubricant in anyway. Spit if he's lucky. If he's not lucky, then it's the usual. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's just his blood. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he finished, seed came flowing out of him, making the pain worse. It stung so bad, it felt like he was being branded. Still, the boy didn't say anything, he held his tongue and covered his mouth. If he made a whine, a whimper, any noise that indicated his pain, it would be taken as a complaint. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once footsteps led farther and farther away from the room, he lets out a choked sob. But then the footsteps stopped. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He heard him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He heard him and he-, he-, he-</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The blonde jolted out of bed, sweat covering his body, tears staining his face. He didn't know what he was doing from that point on. Running out of his room, Ruggie continued to harshly wipe his tears away. His legs were carrying him somewhere. Somewhere he didn't know, but suddenly, it was alright. </p><p>It was warm and soft. It was like a nest that he felt safe in for once. Soft, warm, nice smelling... He cuddled closer to it and something triggered inside of him. There was something so familiar about this feeling, this smell. But he had somehow forgotten it. Fatigue took over his body and his eyes drooped. Tomorrow. He could figure out this mystery tomorrow. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Ruggie grabbed onto the slightest bit of consciousness, it was unexplainably warm. Not just in the temperature, but something within him felt sated. It was almost as if his body knew that he was safe in this hazy haven, no matter how cloudy and confused his mind was. His ears twitched at a strange sensation, flicking unceremoniously as if it was trying to fend off whatever was attacking his poor appendage. </p><p>He was about to go back to sleep when her felt something curl around his waist, a low growl sounding right beside his ear before another one of those strange sensations ran through his body. </p><p>His eyes shoot open and he pushes himself up in a hurry, head turning from side to side, trying to figure out where he was. </p><p>"Oi, Ruggie." </p><p>"Ah! Leona-san?! Why am I in your bed?!" Eyes straying, he blushes upon seeing the lion's v-line. "A-are you naked?!" He smacks his hands over his eyes.</p><p>Sharp green eyes open to shoot him a glare. "Are you really asking me that after you threw yourself into my bed at 2 am?" </p><p>"I- There's no way I did that!" He defends, still blushing as he opens a crack between his fingers but immediately closes them once again. "And why didn't you just wake me and push me away?!" </p><p>Grumbling, Leona pulls the sheets back over his lap and yanks Ruggie's hands away from his eyes. Staring straight into them, he sighs and blatantly asks, "Do you think I have the heart to wake you up after you barge into my room, crying and nuzzling at my chest?" </p><p>An arrow went straight into the hyena's heart. </p><p>"Geez... how heartless do you think I am..." Scratching his head, he turns to pull his clothes on, leaving Ruggie partially speechless on the bed. Everything was becoming blurrier and no oxygen was going into his lungs. It was almost as if his body was completely focused on pushing one thing out, forgetting to inhale. In desperation, he forcefully inhales, the single breath ringing through his mind as he clenches his eyes together tightly. </p><p>The other was quietly dressing himself, but halfway through, he heard a pained breath. Sharp and filled with confused loneliness. A breath that wasn't a breath. A sniffle. A sob that wracked its way up the younger's throat. His body carried him to the boy's side in an instant, hand hovering midair, a centimeter from his skin. His own breath got stuck in his lungs, heart beating wildly from feeling the heat radiating off the seemingly flawless skin a mere centimeter away. </p><p>"I'm sorry." </p><p>Once those words escaped his lips, they both stared blankly at each other, undried tears continuing to roll down the blonde's cheek. Finally cupping his hand against his cheek, remaining tears are brushed away, the callouses on the elder's thumb gently ghosting over uncharacteristically chubby cheeks. </p><p>"Why are you crying?" </p><p>"Wh-why are you apologizing...?"</p><p>They both sat there in the silence, letting the questions sink in deeper. Questions with no answers. Answers made before questions were asked. But none of them fit together. They were both zoned out, forgetting about the present and all that was taking place in reality. The only thing that snapped Leona back was the feeling of warmth against his palm. A soft warmth that pressed itself harder and harder against his hand. The tickles of a light but deep exhale brush passed his wrist, leaving a strangely acceptable coolness in its wake. </p><p>"Ruggie..." </p><p>Looking up at the sound of his name, clear grey-blue eyes respond, a hum rumbling up. </p><p>There were so many words he wanted to say to this young boy. Words that people would shun him for. Words that he feels no one would understand but him. So many options jumbled up inside his mind, dodging his selection time after time. </p><p>"You're beautiful." </p><p>Two words meant to be a complement reopened wounds so deep, it felt as if new ones were created. His hands flew to the grab onto the wrist keeping the hand against his cheek, eyes trying futilely to hold tears in. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"You're so beautiful." Cold hands held his chin roughly, forcing the trembling child to look at him eye-to-eye. That's right, he never meant those words. It was never supposed to be "You're beautiful." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What he meant was, "Shut up. You are not worth of having the title of a living being. You are merely a decoration and I like that about you. Your body is just something I can put out on a display, something to show off. It belongs to me and I can do whatever I want with it." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Those words were cold though. The degrading comments which were disguised as compliments always had an icy chill with it. It was a wolf in sheep's clothing, but the fangs were still blatantly showing. </p><p>However, no matter how hard he strained his ears, he couldn't find any of the bitter cold within Leona's words. His hands move from the dorm leader's wrist to his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly, feeling the dull sensation of his nails on top of where his heart should be. Sniffles and sobs shook his body with such force, they both thought he would fall apart, the room only occupied with the pained cries of the younger.</p><p>Through it all, a gentle hand remained on his face, a comforting warmth reminding him that he wasn't alone with his pain. When the shaking had subsided a little, his other hand came to rest on his face, keeping him mostly still. With the small hiccups and sniffles persisting in making him twitch or tick ever now and then, Leona opens his mouth and brings his tongue to swipe along the bottom eyelid, collecting tears that have yet to fall. </p><p>Ruggie whimpers and tries to still himself, silently allowing him to continue the grooming session. Gentle purrs rumbled from Leona’s chest, beckoning the hyena to cuddle into the warmth and protection. Doing just that, he inches close enough to place the side of his head against the elder's chest, relishing in the comforting vibrations.</p><p>Getting the idea that it was probably a bad idea to hold him down in anyway, the brunette rolls onto his side and brings the other down along with him, draping his tail over his waist. Pale hands grab onto his shirt, unsure if he's allowed to or not. When no indication of punishment came, he shuffles closer, pressing his body flush against Leona’s. </p><p>"Are you alright?" </p><p>A shy nod was the response. </p><p>"If this ever happens again, then come find me."</p><p>More tears welled up, throat hurting with a dull pain. "Okay..." </p><p>_____</p><p>For the next few days, Leona didn't wake up with Ruggie curled up against him. Though a part of him was happy about it, taking the meaning that he hasn't been having anymore nightmares, a part inside of him couldn't help but want to wake up to a warmth by his side. When he was startled awake by the boy bursting into his room that night, the annoyance he felt was quickly thrown out the window when he felt fluffy hair and ears against his chest. </p><p>Because of the recent absence of the teen in his room, he was quite surprised when he arrived back to his room with a bundle of blankets in the shape of said hyena. He was about to open his mouth and ask why he was in his room, but something caught his attention. </p><p>it smelled off. </p><p>Not only was a single unknown smell clinging to him, but another one stuck out to be irony almost. </p><p>Metallic. </p><p>It made his heart drop. </p><p>He knew that smell. </p><p>It was blood. </p><p>Ruggie was bleeding. </p><p>"Ruggie?!" The brunette ran to the side of the bed, kneeling down to be eye level with the bundle of blankets that he only just realized was shaking. After calling his name a few more times and asking what was wrong, teary eyes peeked out from beneath the blankets. Once the younger laid his own eyes upon him, he could tell that the lion was in full protective mode. Ears were standing up straight, rotating every now and then as if he was on guard, tail flicking in irritation. </p><p>"I'm sorry..." Was all he could get out without bursting into tears. This seemed to spark even more confusion in those green eyes, so he carefully sat up and removed the blanket from his head. An audible gasp can be heard from the man in front of him. </p><p>"I-I'm sorry... I got in another fight again." A warm palm came up to cup his cheek, tenderly running the pad of his thumb along the bottom of his split lip, dried blood clinging to him. His eyes shift to his left cheek, bringing his thumb to sweep away the blood droplets hanging off the edge of a slash. The apologies of getting into fight fell to deaf ears as the dorm leader knew the blonde well enough to know he's not one to fight. </p><p>"Don't lie to me, Ruggie." He could feel him flinch under his touch. "What happened? For one, I know you're not one to fight, and secondly," Sniffing the air around them again, the irises to his eyes contract into dangerous slits. "I smell more blood." </p><p>Shaking his head, Ruggie brings the blanket closer to his body. The way he curls into himself is almost pitiful, acting as if he was a turtle in its confined shell. "Show me, Ruggie." Another shake. He was starting to get irritated now. "Show me now or I'm figuring it out myself!" The tone of his voice comes off more aggressive than he hoped, almost like a roar. The reaction however, was almost immediate. </p><p>Pale bare feet kick against the mattress of the bed, scrambling as far away as possible before hiding himself behind his arms. "I'm sorry! I'll listen, I'll listen! Ju-just please... I- ju- please just spare me this one time." </p><p>What. In. The. Fuck. </p><p>What in the fuck was happening. Why's he suddenly so skittish? What the hell happened? Why's he hiding so much?</p><p>Suddenly, he pushes the blanket off his shoulders, letting it pool around his waist. Leona felt his heart stop, rage bubbling up inside, painting his vision with red. A claw mark ran from the top corner of his left pectoral to the bottom corner, lines of blood dripping down and collecting at his v-line. </p><p>"I- What-" Looking to meet his eyes, he saw that he had his eyes clutched closed, tears escaping and running down his face in silent body wracking sobs. Sighing, he presses his forehead against the other's, hands slotting into his hair to massage the base of his ears. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to. I don't want to pressure you but for now, I'm treating this wound. Okay?" </p><p>Noticing the slightest of nods, he removes himself to get the first aid kit. Taking a cleaning wipe, he pushes aside the hyena's weak attempt of hiding his v-line with his hands and starts wiping the blood off. Removing all the red residue, he presses gauze against the claw mark, making his patient whine and whimper in pain. Gently holding the back of his head, he pulls the shorter male in to plant a light kiss on his forehead. </p><p>"You're doing so good, kitten." A blush spreads across tear streaked cheeks, letting out a hum as a response. "Can you hold this here? I'm going to add disinfectant now." Cooperating, he raises his hand to hold the dressing halfway on and halfway off while wound disinfectant was poured onto his chest. </p><p>Ruggie's breathing picks up as he winces at the stinging, letting the bandages be secured to his chest. The blankets were pulled back over his shoulder, eyes full of confused curiosity as the person in front of him slowly covered him up, giving him dignity instead of taking it. Tears gathered in his eyes again, threatening to spill over and sting the cut on his cheek. </p><p>He felt weird. Whenever Leona acted kind to him, he couldn't help but feel a tinge in his chest. A warmth that takes over and makes him want to lean into the tanned boy. Be by his side in a different way then he already is. Unconsciously, he leaned into the warmth of a second body, ignoring the blanket that is trailing further and further down, exposing his naked body. </p><p>Unexpectedly, he was scooped up and place in the older's lap. "I know what happened. But can you tell me?" His heart stood still in his chest but simultaneously, he could feel the drum of his heartbeat against his ribcage. "Please. I'm begging you to just tell me..." The hands on his body tightened its hold, almost as if Leona was fighting back emotions. </p><p>"I'm sorry." The blonde sniffles out, clutching onto the clothes of his friend. "I told him 'no'..." </p><p>He knew it. </p><p>Leona knew it. </p><p>Once he shifted to lean against him, he saw it. </p><p>He saw the trails of red slick on the inside of his thighs. </p><p>He didn't get into a fight...</p><p>He tried to protect himself.</p><p>"Continue." </p><p>Shoulders started to shake. "He grabbed me at the end of class and I knew something wasn't right. He drag me into a storage closet and just... started..." Tears started to run down his face as he dug his now blunt nails into his wrist. "He tore my clothes off and pinned me to the floor, just- just listening to me beg for him to stop... He didn't though so he just forced himself in and- and- and I felt the searing pain."</p><p>Holding the shivering trauma induced boy closer to him, the brunette rocked back and forth, drawing small patterns on his arm. "You tried to fight back, didn't you?" The sobs broke out louder as he nodded desperately, burying his face in the other's chest.</p><p>"I'm sorry!" He yelled, muffled by the shirt. "I'm sorry I can't help but be used by people!" Claws scratched at his chest, leaving red streaks through the fabric of his dorm uniform. Suddenly, he was put down and he watched as the lion stripped himself of his shirt. Panic started welling in his chest, but was quickly dissipated when he merely felt the warm skin to skin contact between the two of them. </p><p>Looking up, he couldn't see Leona's face, but he could feel the light purrs and rumbles from his chest. </p><p>"Don't ever fucking apologize for being a rape victim." His low voice cut through the silence. </p><p>Pulling Ruggie on top of him, he lays down and loosely wraps his arms around him, holding him in place. Slowly patting his back, a relieved exhale left him when he felt a  receptive nuzzle against his throat followed by a warm wet sensation. </p><p>He chuckles, "Are you grooming me?" </p><p>"Maybe~~" Remaining tears and pain could be heard in his voice, but it was a lot better than the screamed apologies. </p><p>Ruggie didn't know how he knew, but the bare skinship between them brought him so much comfort, feeling as if it was the childhood he never had with his mother. </p><p>Rolling onto his side, he tucks the younger under his chin and starts licking his ears, nibbling every so often. As expected small kitten licks were reciprocated on his chest, running along his sternum. Tightening his arms, a sense of pride came over him when the other willingly shifted closer, pushing his bandaged abdomen against his own. That day, he made a promise of his own to himself. </p><p>One day, </p><p>no matter how far,</p><p>he will make this lowly hyena his. </p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Favour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Big grey eyes blinked languidly, staring at nothing in particular while his thumbs brushed over the warm chest under his palms. Thoughts were running at 100 miles per hour, making his head spin but leaving him unable to stop. Kindness was so... unknown to him. When was the last time he felt genuine kindness... when he felt grateful without the nagging feeling that they want something in return. </p><p>Maybe it was when he was child. When he met Rook all those years ago. He had taken a back alley way after stealing some bread but he took a wrong step and got his foot stuck in an animal trap. It had bruised his ankle really bad and he couldn't pry it off because he was just too weak. He tried kicking it off but that didn't work either. Eventually, the kicking and roughing around with the trap caused the chain attached to it to hit against the side of the hut, rousing commotion from inside. When the door was thrown open, a young boy with blond raggedy hair tied up in a short pony tail came out. </p><p>They locked eyes and the latter immediately gasped. "Maman!" He cried out, causing Ruggie to panic more and try to escape, kicking against the floor with his uninjured leg. "Don't move!" The young boy cried, moving closer to look at his ankle. "The more you move, the worse the injury would be."  Suddenly, the door was thrown open once again and a short but pretty young woman clambered out. </p><p>"Ma petite chérie!" She cried out, running over to her son, stopping when she saw the dirty blond. "Oh non! Are you okay, young one?" Overcome with confusion, all he could was nod. Turning to her son, she says "Rook, mon petit oiseau, can you get this trap off of him." A short nod comes as a response as he simply pries it open as if it was nothing. The woman picks him up and brings him into their home. </p><p>When he was sent home that day, he had his hand held in the other boy's hand. His mother insisted he should be accompanied when walking home and gave him a few apples and pieces of bread as ration for his family. That was his first memory of feeling kindness. </p><p>The gentle warmth of a hand within his. The security of it all. And the feeling of his lips on his forehead when they parted ways. The memories still leave him smiling like an idiot, remembering how the older waved him goodbye with a promise to come back another day so they could all play together. How they would sit in the dandelions together and make crowns and rings for each other. </p><p>Rook definitely held a place in the hyena's heart, no matter how strange or off putting he might seem to others. That sense of pride and happiness when he saw his friend come bounding up to him, hugging him tightly before excitedly announcing about his new found requited love left a smile on his face that he thought he could never shake off. But seeing them together, it left a dull ache in his chest. </p><p>It wasn't from the fact that his childhood friend's boyfriend was speechlessly stunning with his ombré blonde to purple hair and long graceful strides. Those curves that certainly should only belong to a woman and the balance he had while walking on inhumanly tall heels. It was the fact that it looked like they fit together perfectly. Though it was rare, he would see them in the botanical garden sometimes, Vil's head resting on Rook's shoulder as the hunter held his hand with complete adoration. </p><p>Ruggie wanted that too... He didn't want to be treated as less than human, abused and used like someone's living sex toy. He wanted to be held in a gentle embrace while he could wag his tail in a slow content manner, a 180 degree contrast than when he would hide it between his legs. He wanted to feel what it would be like to kiss someone properly, cupping their cheek in your hand as you slowly match each other's pace. </p><p>His mind snapped itself out of his thoughts though, leaving him in a very confused state of mind. "Eh...?" He mumbled out. Wasn't all those things he wanted to do already done with Leona... Just a few hours ago he was waging his tail, snuggled into the side of the lion as he lazily dragged his tongue against his ears, matching the pace he set while grooming his chest. </p><p>No way. Was he... in love... "Is this love?" He mumbles to himself, moving his gaze from his hands to the man's face, still peacefully asleep. Thanking the gods that it's the weekend, he takes a closer look, cupping his face in his hand. "You're... quite handsome..." That wasn't the truth. He wasn't just <em>quite</em> handsome, no. To the younger boy, he looked like the embodiment of Adonis. </p><p>The unraveled braid left his sideburns with slight curls and with the way he's sleeping, his face isn't blocked by his hair. Running his thumbs across the bottom of his scar, he lets a happy hum out. Never had he thought that scars could look so attractive before they had met. Long lashes fanned out against his lower eyelids, hiding behind it eyes that put sparkling emeralds to shame. Mocha coloured skin contrast against Ruggie's hand, making both complexions stand out more as if they were complimenting each other. </p><p>"Is there a reason you're holding onto my face?" Startled, he lifts his hand to cover his own face instead. </p><p>It was no mystery that many people, along with the hyena, found Leona's voice to be tantalizing as is. But when he just wakes up, the morning voice he used to speak to the other with left a hot feeling in his abdomen, leaving tingles all over his body. </p><p>"I-I was just looking..." He defends, pouting. </p><p>The lion hums as a response. Opening his eyes, he stares into the younger's, the usual slit iris blow wide, rounding into pretty circles. When he realizes, he removes his hands from his face and stare back, his own irises expanding into perfect circles with a hue of a stormy sky surrounding it. They both blush, knowing that their feelings for each other were reciprocated in one way or another. </p><p>"Le-Leona-san...?" His eyes shift away, hiding his face by tilting his head down.</p><p>"Yes?" </p><p><em>'This is selfish.'</em> He thought. "Can you wait for me?" </p><p>"For?" </p><p>Ruggie couldn't answer. He was afraid that he would sound pathetic. Cowardly. Unable to handle the slightest things. So instead, he gently traces his thumb across his bottom lip, hoping he could get his point across. His heart clenched, thinking how truly pathetic it is to even be unable to kiss. </p><p>A hand moved to grab his wrist, bringing his hand to rest over his heart. "I'll wait as long as you need."</p><p>"Don't say that to me..." Tears well up in his eyes but are pushed back before they can spill over. He puts his other hand on his chest and tucks his cheek against his neck, "Lets still like this for just a little longer...." </p><p>--</p><p>Cracking his eyes open, he swings his legs off his bed and makes his way out the door. The clay floors were still warm from the morning, allowing him to walk all the way to the kitchen. </p><p>"I'm thirsty..." He mumbles, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. Strolling back to his room, water in hand, he stops to look out one of the large pane-less windows, moonlight seeping into the halls of the dorm. </p><p>His eyes widen at the sight of a cloaked figure sitting on a broom about 30 feet away. It was a student as he was dressed in ceremonial robes, the two bumps on the hood signifying that it is indeed a beastman from his dorm. Suddenly, they stand up and a long brown tail with a candle light tip falls between their legs. They stand there, unmoving, just basking in the light of the moon. </p><p>A gust of wind blows through the dorm, not unpleasantly cold but strong enough to make him close his eyes and brace. When opens his eyes to look back at the man on the broom, the hood had blown off, showing the unruly brown mane that was previously hidden. There was a child clinging to his neck, bright orange hair splayed out by being pressed up against his shoulder. </p><p><em>'Isn't that Leona-san... Is that his nephew? I thought he hated the kid...'  </em>But his thoughts were cut short when his supposed dorm leader grabbed the child and hoisted him up high. </p><p>Holding him right under his arms, he saw the child thrash about playfully, hearing his laugh all the way through. Straining his ears, trying to pick up a little more from the pair, he heard a deep chuckle followed by a squeal saying "Ojitan laughed!" </p><p>"It was a chuckle, Cheka... And only because you were thrashing around being an idiot." He brings him back down to sit on his shoulders, not letting him stand on the broom. </p><p>"Is an idiot a good thing?" </p><p>That made Ruggie hold back a giggle, taking a seat on the window. </p><p>"Sure, Cheka... Sure." </p><p>"Yaaaay!" The cub screamed so loud that both students thought he was going to wake up the whole dorm. </p><p>"Oi! Cheka, shut up! You're gonna wake someone." </p><p>From behind, he could see the child slap his hands onto his mouth. A childish act that only children as young as him can result to. </p><p>"Do you own this place, Ojitan? Do you rule this land like papa?" </p><p>"No. No, I don't rule anything." </p><p>"Oh-" Even though he started a sentence, it was clear that he had nothing to follow up with his 'oh'. </p><p>"But you can, Cheka. Someday." Putting one hand under his thighs and the other on the junction of his neck and back, he gets held up in a sitting position, allowing him to see even higher than before. "You can rule this land one day. Be the best fucking wizard there is, alright?" </p><p>In that moment, Ruggie understood. Leona didn't hate the heir. He loved the kid. The reason he won't let the little lion stand on the broom is because of the way Leona sees the world. From the moment he was born, he was treated like a spare. Thrown to the side and neglected. He was standing on the same level as everyone, but he saw the world as so much bigger. So much scarier. </p><p>So in that instant when he lifted him up, he showed him that he himself, as the second prince of the Savannas, is standing under the heir. He was showing him that as his uncle, he was willing to put him on top of the world and carry the weight himself. He was telling him that the world is beneath his feet, ready for him to conquer and overcome, because from where he is, even the largest and most frightening of challenges are mere dots. </p><p>In honour of the sacrifice and respect that was being given to him, Cheka let out a roar, small but hefty, destined to one day be as powerful as the prince's. Smirking, Leona lowers him back to his chest, took a breath, angled his head back, and let out the most breathtaking roar that the blonde has ever heard. The very sound of it seemed like it was able to shake the stars itself, making them twinkle in response. </p><p>His grip on the glass was so tight that he felt as if he was crush it, so he put it down in the gap of his crossed legs. </p><p>"Hey, Ojitan? Why'd you roar like that?" </p><p>"Like what?" </p><p>"Like-like you were upset...." </p><p>He was silent for a bit, the wind blowing past and swaying his braids from side to side. Eventually, the youngest could be visibly seen as uncomfortable, not sure if what he asked was appropriate or not. </p><p>"Actually, it's fi-" </p><p>"Because..." He exhales, taking a breath and letting it out again. "Because there will be a time in your life where you will inevitably hurt someone you love. And my time came." When his nephew didn't take his chance to talk, he continued. "I didn't mean to of course... it just happened, I guess."</p><p>"What are they like? Girl? Boy? Tall? Nice?" He makes a little gasp and brightens up. "Does he like to play?!" </p><p>Flicking his forehead and making him retract both physically and verbally, another sigh slips by. "He's... small and he deserves everything that he never got. He has simultaneously bold and cowardly. His laugh is a hot knife through ice cubes, sharp and impactful." The very thought of the shrill giggles made him smile like an idiot. "And to answer your question, yes he likes to play." </p><p>Cheers and giggles erupted from the child, asking if he would be able to play with the kind stranger one day. Lazy replies of 'sure' and 'why not' and 'I already said that it's up to him' populate the little bubble of their excitement. </p><p>"Ojitan," He looks over the man's shoulder. "Someone's there." </p><p>Thinking it's an assassin or someone trying to hurt the child, he whips his head around, only to be met by a gentle smile. Steering the broom to be in front of the window, he swallows nervously, readjusting his grip on Cheka. </p><p>"What are you doing awake, Ruggie?" </p><p>A chuckle escapes his lips, covering it slightly with his hand like usual. "I can ask you the same thing. Aren't you one to be taking advantage of the night to sleep?"</p><p>"Babysitting duty." Using his other hand he places it on his head, right between his ears. "Nightmare?" </p><p>Ruggie's heart fluttered at the concerned tone, happy but slightly embarrassed that that's the first thing his dorm head thinks of when he's up at night. "No. I was just thirsty." Eyes flicking to the cub who's gaze switches between him and the one holding him, he reaches to pet the boy's head. "Is this your nephew?" </p><p>"Cheka say hi." </p><p>"Hello! Were you the kind mister that Ojitan was talking about?" There was so much excitement radiating off him that he was practically beaming. </p><p>Humming, a smirk creeps itself onto his face. "I dunno~~ Was I, Leona-san~~?" </p><p>"Okay, Cheka that's enough of you-" He throws him over his shoulder like a sac of potatoes. "Let's go to sleep. G'night, Ruggie." </p><p>"No!" Using his little hands, he grabs onto the hyena's shirt, refusing to let go. </p><p>They all stop dead in their tracks, just dumfounded. "Wh-what are you doing, Cheka?!" Ruggie whisper screams. </p><p>"I wanna sleep together..."</p><p>Both students went red in the face. "No!" Then dashed off to their respected bedrooms. </p><p>Once he arrived, the younger slumped against the back of his door. Memories of the older lion flashed in the darkness of his closed eyes. The sight of the wind sawying his long hair, the sweat he saw gathering on his collarbones when he came closer, the irises in those shimmering green eyes, the things he would sacrifice to that child he was holding, the pride and power in his roar, those canines that could tear away at any flesh that presents itself, that tail that would curl around his own and hold him close. Burying his face in his hands, he mumbles,</p><p>"That's that shit that drives me crazy..." </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Voicemail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry i had to double space part of it because it got really messy. I apologize. </p><p>And I apologize my little darlings... it's a short chapter ;~;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Curled up against his side, the shorter woke up with the morning sun shining down on his face. Blinking the haze out, he looks around the room, kicking the blankets further down to rid himself of the suffocating heat. </p><p>He stayed a little too long in his friend's room the previous night and ended up falling asleep next to him. As usual, Leona slept without a single shred of clothing, the light blanket trusted with covering everything. With a huff, Ruggie pushes himself up, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. His sleep shirt stuck to his back uncomfortably, adhered by his sweat of sleeping under both the blanket and his friend. </p><p>Adjusting himself to sit up properly, he smiles at the way the brunette chases after his warmth. Bringing his hand down, he runs his fingers through soft long hair, letting it linger and feel the heat radiate off.</p><p>His smile wavers slightly, taking his hand off and remembering how their relationship in the past few days. Clasping his fingers together lightly, he drops it in his lap. "Why are you only soft with me when you're asleep, huh?" He whispers, looking to the man as if he would open his eyes and respond. He didn't though. His breathing remained steady and calm, taking in and letting out long puffs of air. </p><p>Some unknown business had left Leona colder to him than ever before. For the past 5 days he couldn't even go into his room because he barricaded himself in. Whenever he was seen outside, he would shake off any attempts of people trying to make conversation with him. </p><p>The go to responses have been "I'm busy", "Go away", "Ask me later or ask someone else if you don't want to wait", and "Leave me alone". </p><p>All were said with this laziness in his voice that no one has ever heard before. It was a laziness that bordered lethargy, almost as if he was struggling to even string the words together. </p><p>Struggling to just continue onwards. </p><p>To just... pull himself up and do the simplest of tasks. </p><p>Frowning, he felt his chest tighten, realizing the dark circles under the other's eyes. <em>'He hasn't been sleeping well...'</em> He thinks, eyes focused on the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.</p><p>No matter how hard he tries to push it away, it hurt. It hurt being ignored, being pushed to the side as if all that he's done for the lion didn't at least earn him an explanation to what the sudden shift in attitude is.</p><p>It hurt when he finally realized that he would never know about that time when he fell asleep right outside his door like a stray dog finally making its way back home. The following day when he woke up, he tried the handle once again. Still locked. A larger outer school uniform coat was pooled around his waist, smelling familiar. It was as if it was the concentrated scent of snow and a forest with an underlying scent of apples. </p><p>Jack. </p><p>It made sense since he always cared about his seniors. The apple scent came from Epel while the snow and forest were ingrained into him from his time in the forests of Pyroxene. Even though his joints were stiff and ached, arms and legs haven fallen asleep, he felt his heart swell a little at the thoughtful action of his friend. </p><p>Sighing, he shakes the thought out of his mind, reaching for his phone that sat on the side table next to the bed. Forgetting to plug it in, he breathes a sigh or relief when he sees the fifty percent symbol in the corner of the screen. </p><p>On the lock screen, a notification was displayed for a missed call from an unknown number. It had the regular 'slide to listen' text under it, font white against the green notification tab. </p><p>"...It must be from the Mostro Lounge public phone... Did I miss a shift...?" He murmurs, sliding the tab over and bringing the phone up to his human ears, hidden well behind his sideburns. </p><p>The voice mail loads, plays that little loading tune as if it was dialing someone. Then the voice came through. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey..." </p><p> </p><p>Ruggie freezes, hands shaking as tears gather in his eyes. "It can't be...." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm probably the last person you want to hear from... in the history of... well... your whole life..." Stutters can be heard through the noise of the surrounding area.</p><p> </p><p><em>'Damn right you are!' </em>He mentally shouts, still not having the strength to put the phone down. </p><p> </p><p>"And- I get that."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Did- Did he just choke on something... Is- Is he crying....?'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Um. I just miss you- That's all-" He chokes again, sniffling back tears. </p><p> </p><p>Clasping his hand over his own mouth, Ruggie curls into himself, pain welling up in his throat as he holds back tears. </p><p> </p><p>"And... I can't stop thinking about you...."</p><p> </p><p><em>'You're not thinking about <strong>me</strong>.....You're just thinking about fucking me...' </em>He tries to tell himself, sliding the hand that was once over his mouth to painfully clutch onto his hair. </p><p> </p><p>A pause in the message occurs, but he knew it was far from over. "I guess I was just calling to see if you were doing okay..." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'I am now that I'm away from you, motherfu-' </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Because I'm not...." The sounds of assorted bottles were heard in the background.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A sound between a choke, gasp, and sob came out of his mouth as he bit his lip, assuming that the bottles in the background were liqueur bottles. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Life's really hard without you..." An inhale could be heard, followed by a loud exhale about two seconds later.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Gone back to smoking, huh?'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I stopped smoking for a little... after you left... But now it's back..." </p><p> </p><p>His hand clutched harder onto his hair, tugging at the dirty blonde locks. <em>'I wouldn't call what I did leaving...'</em> </p><p> </p><p>"I'm glad I can finally know that smile is on your face.... Even if I can't see it..." </p><p> </p><p><em>'What right do you have to say that when you never even tried to make it appear!?'</em> He screamed that in his mind, but in reality, tears were streaming down so fast that they were wetting the bedsheets that remained draped over his legs. </p><p> </p><p>"It suits you... you're... gorgeous..." The clunk of a metal glass can be heard hitting a wooden table, the tinkering of ice along with it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'You never told me that before! All you've ever done was insult me! Berate me until I know longer wanted to even put up with breathing!'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Um... I'm always here if you need me..."</p><p> </p><p><em>'I'll never need you!' </em>He wanted to scream into the air, but then, the man beside him would wake. The one he truly feels something for now would wonder what's wrong. </p><p> </p><p>"I love you." </p><p> </p><p>His heart seemed to stop in that moment. Every single wall he built up came crumbling down as he dashed out of the room, not even looking behind him before entering his own room and jumping into his bed. Grabbing his pillow, he shoves his face in it, screaming and wailing to his hearts content. </p><p>Trembling hands snake up and passed his bandanna, pulling it off and letting it settle onto the floor. Cupping his nape, he feels around the scar of his mating mark. The one he never asked for but got anyways. </p><p>The one that made him want to peel all his skin off and boil it to get rid of the phantom feeling. </p><p>But now he kneeled on his bed, tears staining the pillow as he cried his name into it over and over again.</p><p>"Kumosaki.... Kumo...." </p><p>He inhales hard, choking on his own saliva and mucus. </p><p>"Kumosaki... Do I forgive you...?" He asks to thin air, getting no reply. </p><p>He apologized for all the pain he caused... does that mean... he deserves to be forgiven...?</p><p>"How should I change myself... To accept the love you give me?" </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! I'm sorry if it's short!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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